Okay. This is the Tuesday after Easter. What did I gain, from this Lenten exercise? Have I become a better Christian? Did I learn to put myself aside? Did any epiphanies result? Nope.
I experienced the same level of frustration in my life. I argued. I was me. Flawed. I knew that before I began and am very much aware of it now. All I did was record it. And because of the pain, I didn't even record it every day.
Today I dealt with someone who has mightily proclaimed her desire for an elevated spiritual life. Should that not be the type of person with whom I should have untroubled exchanges? I mean she wants to be a saint. That fall in line with what we should all desire. But she drives me crazy!!!!!!! I find myself wanting to tell her what I think of her judgments, materialism, gossip and general lunacy. How is that right?!?!?! It isn't and I so try to not be that way. In fact, when I deal with her, I look at how she is and wonder if my difficulty with her is that I am committing a sin of being scrupulous. I wonder that. I don't really know to what degree someone's actions/attitudes must be "scrupulous" for the actions/attitudes to be sinful - so I then wonder about that. Then I wonder how I could imagine that I could ever wonder about falling into a situation of overzealousness - kind of laugh to myself - then go back to nearly disliking this person. I don't get how someone can so talk a good talk yet seem to embody that which she says she disdains. Gossip, ohhhh how she loathes gossip. She will note that she doesn't want to gossip - she doesn't want to have to go to confession for gossiping. Then, in a hushed stereotypically gossipy tone, she will say something about someone - something that serves no good. I feel I'm quite liberal as to my definition of conversational information - as opposed to gossip. If saying something does some good - even if is just that it lets you blow off steam - I don't consider it gossip. But if you are whispering to me that a neighbor left her family when we aren't on any subject, before or after you say that, related to that information, then I call that gossip. And wonder what compelled you to tell me, conspiratorially, that little tidbit.
Okay - am I any better of a person? Sure doesn't seem that way.
Jesus sweat blood. Peace.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Bishop Rhoades Reflection
My blog today is a matter not of my thoughts or words; rather, they are the words of Bishop Kevin C. Rhoades, Harrisburg Diocese. He shared his personal reflections for Holy Week in the Catholic Witness, March 30, 2007 issue. Please pray for our dynamic Bishop.
When we begin the Easter Triduum on Holy Thursday night, we enter, in a sense, into the Upper Room with Jesus as we celebrate the Mass of the Lord’s Supper. We give thanks for the two sacraments instituted by Christ during the Last Supper: the Eucharist and Holy Orders. The Lord Jesus gave us the Holy Eucharist as the perpetual memorial of His death and resurrection so that we can participate in His sacrifice and receive the graces of redemption through the Paschal banquet. The Lord Jesus gave us the ministerial priesthood so that the Eucharistic sacrifice of His Body and Blood, the source and summit of our lives, would be celebrated in every time and place. Please pray with me this Holy Thursday for our priests and seminarians and for an increase in priestly vocations, for without ordained priests, who alone receive the power to consecrate the Eucharist, we cannot celebrate the Eucharistic Sacrifice. Perhaps you can keep this intention in mind during prayer before the Blessed Sacrament this Holy Thursday night when the Eucharist is solemnly reserved for adoration in our parish churches and chapels after the Evening Mass of the Lord’s Supper.
Peace.
When we begin the Easter Triduum on Holy Thursday night, we enter, in a sense, into the Upper Room with Jesus as we celebrate the Mass of the Lord’s Supper. We give thanks for the two sacraments instituted by Christ during the Last Supper: the Eucharist and Holy Orders. The Lord Jesus gave us the Holy Eucharist as the perpetual memorial of His death and resurrection so that we can participate in His sacrifice and receive the graces of redemption through the Paschal banquet. The Lord Jesus gave us the ministerial priesthood so that the Eucharistic sacrifice of His Body and Blood, the source and summit of our lives, would be celebrated in every time and place. Please pray with me this Holy Thursday for our priests and seminarians and for an increase in priestly vocations, for without ordained priests, who alone receive the power to consecrate the Eucharist, we cannot celebrate the Eucharistic Sacrifice. Perhaps you can keep this intention in mind during prayer before the Blessed Sacrament this Holy Thursday night when the Eucharist is solemnly reserved for adoration in our parish churches and chapels after the Evening Mass of the Lord’s Supper.
Peace.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
The Father will honor whoever serves me // the Lord God helps me
John's Gospel is my favorite. Not surprising. It seems to be the favorite of many people. Anyway, being that it is my favorite, when I look up an event in Jesus' life I usually turn to John. In my imagining, I can see Jesus saying,
"Whoever loves his love loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it in for eternity. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there also will be my servant be. The Father will honor whoever serves me (John 12:25-26).",
on the Wednesday before His death. I'm not a bible scholar or even moderately well studied, but that goes on my personl timeline for today, roughly 1970 years ago. It isn't part of the Gospel reading in Mass today (see Matthew 26:14-25 for that) but sure seems to mesh well with the Old Testament reading.
The first reading is from Isaiah 50:
The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him that is weary. Morning by morning he wakens, he wakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. The Lord GOD has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious, I turned not backward. I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to those who pulled out the beard; I hid not my face from shame and spitting. For the Lord GOD helps me; therefore I have not been confounded; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame; he who vindicates me is near. Who will contend with me? Let us stand up together. Who is my adversary? Let him come near to me. Behold, the Lord GOD helps me; who will declare me guilty? Behold, all of them will wear out like a garment; the moth will eat them up. (4-9)
Peace.
"Whoever loves his love loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it in for eternity. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there also will be my servant be. The Father will honor whoever serves me (John 12:25-26).",
on the Wednesday before His death. I'm not a bible scholar or even moderately well studied, but that goes on my personl timeline for today, roughly 1970 years ago. It isn't part of the Gospel reading in Mass today (see Matthew 26:14-25 for that) but sure seems to mesh well with the Old Testament reading.
The first reading is from Isaiah 50:
The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him that is weary. Morning by morning he wakens, he wakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. The Lord GOD has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious, I turned not backward. I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to those who pulled out the beard; I hid not my face from shame and spitting. For the Lord GOD helps me; therefore I have not been confounded; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame; he who vindicates me is near. Who will contend with me? Let us stand up together. Who is my adversary? Let him come near to me. Behold, the Lord GOD helps me; who will declare me guilty? Behold, all of them will wear out like a garment; the moth will eat them up. (4-9)
Peace.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Sarcasm
Sarcasm can be the life blood of household. Such a household is a very mean-spirited place with mean people who have mean words. Compliments would certainly not what they seemed. The intent of a compliment, when voiced, could be said to point out an area of inadequacy by snidely praising. Or might it be that it only seems that way.
That's the thing about living in a verbal war zone - you are never quite sure of where the barb wire lies. It is often disguised. Camouflauged. Sarcasm can be used to mask a vitriol spirit. And the people skilled in using it are often thought to be clever.
If a person turns her back on that existence, does it ever leave her? If her heart's desire is peace, simple interactions, honest exchanges - is she able to purge the dirtiness that had sullied her life? Does a rattle snake cease being a rattle snake if it spurns the shake of her tail and the drip of her venom? Her life is that of a snake. Even if never used, as long as she lives, she possesses a death rattle. Instinct will ever press upon her.
Peace.
That's the thing about living in a verbal war zone - you are never quite sure of where the barb wire lies. It is often disguised. Camouflauged. Sarcasm can be used to mask a vitriol spirit. And the people skilled in using it are often thought to be clever.
If a person turns her back on that existence, does it ever leave her? If her heart's desire is peace, simple interactions, honest exchanges - is she able to purge the dirtiness that had sullied her life? Does a rattle snake cease being a rattle snake if it spurns the shake of her tail and the drip of her venom? Her life is that of a snake. Even if never used, as long as she lives, she possesses a death rattle. Instinct will ever press upon her.
Peace.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Making Memories. Or Not.
The Chrism Mass was this evening. Did I remember before seeing mention of it just now as I paged down the blog trying to figure out what I should write tonight? Weeeellllll... No. Guess that means that I'll just have to look forward to next year being the first year I attend one. In reality, in the shape I'm in right now, I shouldn't have gone anyway.
I need to find the right time to talk to Scott about how he feels about my lack of memory. The reason I say that is because he seemed somewhat frightened today when he asked me why I didn't remember a decision I had made 15 minutes before I said something that made it apparent that I didn't remember the decision. He knows as much about my memory situation as I do, yet I think this time - the small amount of time between one thing and the other - kind of knocked him off balance. He has always done really well with my limitations, but the incongruity of a seemingly intelligent person losing recollection of something so quickly seemed to get him. If it would have been 2 hours, he very well may have just chalked it up to the MD and moved on. The fact that the decision was a parenting related one may have heightened his anxiety too. If the person in charge doesn't have a firm grasp on things, maybe that would make a kid's world a little wobbly. Then again, I may be reading too much in to it. The only way to find out is to talk to him. I must remember to do that. I must remember to do that. I must remember to do that. I must... Oh, shoot. What was it that I was gonna do? Peace.
I need to find the right time to talk to Scott about how he feels about my lack of memory. The reason I say that is because he seemed somewhat frightened today when he asked me why I didn't remember a decision I had made 15 minutes before I said something that made it apparent that I didn't remember the decision. He knows as much about my memory situation as I do, yet I think this time - the small amount of time between one thing and the other - kind of knocked him off balance. He has always done really well with my limitations, but the incongruity of a seemingly intelligent person losing recollection of something so quickly seemed to get him. If it would have been 2 hours, he very well may have just chalked it up to the MD and moved on. The fact that the decision was a parenting related one may have heightened his anxiety too. If the person in charge doesn't have a firm grasp on things, maybe that would make a kid's world a little wobbly. Then again, I may be reading too much in to it. The only way to find out is to talk to him. I must remember to do that. I must remember to do that. I must remember to do that. I must... Oh, shoot. What was it that I was gonna do? Peace.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
You don't say?
I don't know that I have ever said the line, "Crucify Him. Crucify Him.", as a member of the crowd during the Palm Sunday Gospel. Other lines are rough, but I have said them to be in "communion" with the rest of the congregation. Everytime that I have done that, I think that there had to have been people in the real crowd who went along with everyone else because that is the thing you do when part of a group. There had to have been people who sensed the injustice, yet they did as those around them.
Were there many people who cried at Christ's death, yet had that same day mocked or otherwise betrayed Him? If so, who were they and how did that impact them? Did the reality of what they had done ultimately strengthen or break them; did it cause them to cast aside their old ways or, perhaps, to crumble under the weight of it all? Or were they only momentarily saddened without that day leaving a prolonged impact upon their earthly lives?
Now, more than 2000 years later, I go along with the crowd - saying almost all of the lines - for the sake of "communion." Might that not be worse? In the recreation, I knowingly take on a despicable role. It is important that we each know that we are a part of the Body and that as a part we must function with the other parts, yet if one foot steps in a hole should the other? Or should the other jump to avoid the hole. How does one discern what is prudence, as opposed to disobedience? Independence can be a matter of a prideful being. By its nature, pride is devoid of humility and for a person to lack humility is for them to lack God.
Oh, I have no idea where I'm going with this. I have given myself and my family over to the Church and her teachings, so I guess I should even say the line that I find so distasteful. It seems odd to offer the disgust of uttering the words to the Lord (after all, I will be saying things against Him) but that might be the way.
I'm nodding off, so I'll leave this entry as it is. Hopefully, it isn't too poor. Peace.
Were there many people who cried at Christ's death, yet had that same day mocked or otherwise betrayed Him? If so, who were they and how did that impact them? Did the reality of what they had done ultimately strengthen or break them; did it cause them to cast aside their old ways or, perhaps, to crumble under the weight of it all? Or were they only momentarily saddened without that day leaving a prolonged impact upon their earthly lives?
Now, more than 2000 years later, I go along with the crowd - saying almost all of the lines - for the sake of "communion." Might that not be worse? In the recreation, I knowingly take on a despicable role. It is important that we each know that we are a part of the Body and that as a part we must function with the other parts, yet if one foot steps in a hole should the other? Or should the other jump to avoid the hole. How does one discern what is prudence, as opposed to disobedience? Independence can be a matter of a prideful being. By its nature, pride is devoid of humility and for a person to lack humility is for them to lack God.
Oh, I have no idea where I'm going with this. I have given myself and my family over to the Church and her teachings, so I guess I should even say the line that I find so distasteful. It seems odd to offer the disgust of uttering the words to the Lord (after all, I will be saying things against Him) but that might be the way.
I'm nodding off, so I'll leave this entry as it is. Hopefully, it isn't too poor. Peace.
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