Imagine

Well, as of this evening, we are in the final week of Lent. Holy Week. The week when the kettle of salvation bubbled up and boiled over. The week when the Most Innocent of innocents died for the sinful. This week we will observe God Made Man's blood being shed for our sake.
But I'm getting ahead of the story, am I not?
The Gospel reading for Saturday was the "Session of the Sanhedrin," John 11:45-54. That is when the chief priests and the Pharisees, apprised of Jesus' resurrection of Lazarus, gather to discuss the problem Jesus' ministry presented them. He was performing miracles and many were coming to believe in Him. Jesus threatened their very existence. "So from that day on they planned to kill Him" John 11:53. Imagine.
Peace.

Thank you, God. Thank you.

Below is the content of an e-mail I received today --


DEAR GOD:

I want to thank You for what you have already done. I am not going
to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right
now. I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I
am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until people say
they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you
right now. I am not going to wait until the pain in my body dis-
appears; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until my
financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now. I am
not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet;
I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I get
promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right
now. I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in
my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now.
I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges
are removed; I am thanking you right now.

I am thanking you because I am alive. I am thanking you because I
made it through the day's difficulties. I am thanking you because I
have walked around the obstacles. I am thanking you because I have
the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better.

I'm thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven't given up on me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Isn't that nice? How often do we miss opportunities to thank God? Every day? Every hour? Every minute? Every second? Every breath?
Lately, I've been trying to be consciously very thankful for a particular something(s). I am thankful for healing and have repeatedly prayed prayers of thanks for the healing, yet, even though I am consciously doing this, I think I missed giving thanks for a whole day. Imagine - if a person can't consistently offer thanks for one thing in her life of which she is actively trying to be mindful, there must be more instances of ingratitude in one day than there are grains of sand upon a beach. But, you know what? I am thankful for that. I am thankful that God loves us so much that He pours forth His bounty upon His nearly thankless creatures. I am thankful that we do not receive what we deserve. Does what I'm saying make sense? In a way it does but in another it doesn't. I can't comprehend God - I can only give thanks. May our worth never be judged based upon our degree of gratitude. Peace.

Engaging Forgiveness

Last night I sat transfixed in front of the TV. The Holy Father celebrated the Penitential Rite with the youth of the Diocese of Rome yesterday. I was able to watch this beautiful celebration during a rebroadcast on EWTN. It was truly riveting.
I know this must sound like a real yawn, but it was a terrific experience to watch the confessors with their penitents. The exchanges were amazing to me. Think about it - how often have you watched someone during the sacrament of reconciliation? I actually watched soul be cleansed. Can you wrap your mind around that?
It wasn't a weird voyeurism that kept me watching; rather, the depth of involvement of the participants. It was fantastic. The priests were deeply listening and the young people seemed to be using the opportunity to grow. Not one person looked like they were following a cut and dry formula. And don't tell me you don't know what I mean by formula: days since last confession + haltingly stating 4 or 5 transgressions + an act of contrition + 1 Hail Mary = remittance of sin. Who knows if that wasn't really the case in what I saw last night, but it didn't seem that way. There were conversations. In each instance, it seemed like both parties were really listening to each other. It was great. Peace.

The Neck Rules

Not even fighting the neck tonight - it rules. The Ruler says to lay it down or I will pay for my insolence in the days to come. Scott is serving this weekend & I want to be there. Ignore the neck and I won't be able to make the trip. Neck wins tonight. Peace.

Snippets

I have come to the conclusion that I am a miserable blogger. I sit down to blog and end up searching the net for a topic to blog about. I really don't have anything pressing to share.
My life is a matter of snippets -
Chrism Mass is coming up next Monday
Meeting with teachers on Tuesday
Husband agrees that we need a car, yet won't actively car shop
PG-13 movies, on the whole, are not for 11 year olds
Politics of fertility aren't explored
Read a comment on a site by a woman who said she couldn't do NFP because she doesn't have a regular cycle. Said that she would like to be completely faithful to the Church but just can't do NFP. A paragraph later she noted that she and he husband are so open to life that they went through fertility shots to have their two children! She is so Catholic that they used artificial fertility treatment --- arghhhh!
Wondering how I might get extra palms on Palm Sunday to try to weave a craft
Loved the weather we had today! Actually had son wear shorts to school today. It was quite warm even before he left for school.
http://www.dappledthings.org/submit.html is a link for info about submitting to a Catholic magazine looking for authors and photographers who are at least freshmen in college but not older than 35. I believe they are also having a competition for High Schoolers. Take a look.
When I first looked at the need for submissions I thought that would be an opportunity for me to find a focus and actually produce my first piece in 14 years. Hmmmpphhh! Age-ists! 35 -- what an arbitrary number. Harrmpphhhh!!! Especially when they aren't paying - lol. Goodnight one and all. Peace.

Nada

My mind is thinking of things about which only I am concerned. I was going to offer a link to Danielle Bean's blog to read instead, but when I jumped over to her site, I found that a big "OOPS!" recently happened and she is in mid-recovery of her blog right now. I'd like to meet that woman - she is a home schooling mom of many and an author/editor, yet she keeps her sense of humor in her blog. Even when someone accidentally deletes it. Peace.

We Shall Overcome

Started reading Uncle Tom's Cabin today with Scott. We haven't even completed the first chapter and both of us are having a difficult time with how often the word "nigger" is used. It is supposed to be an important literary work, but the value assigned to the word and the frequency of its usage is bothersome to the point that I'd like to stop reading it. At the same time I don't want to teach Scott that he should only stay within his comfort zone. That isn't an attitude that will serve him well in school or work. Plus, learning to deal with uncomfortable things will only help him when faced with uncomfortable situations and fears later in his personal life - help him to confront them and knock them down to size.
I was proud of him today in this area. Twice he reached out and included a disabled person of obvious disability. In reality, treating people equally is how we should all act but differences scare people and can be especially scary to children. The man he treated as everyone should be treated is a person that I have seen adults pretend that he is invisible because they don't know how to deal with him. Scott doing that is really no biggy except it bodes well for him to go beyond personal discomfort to freely do what should be done. Or, so I hope. Peace.

Happy New Age Tree-Hugging Anti-Establishment Self-Actualizing Feet

Oy, what a movie we did see tonight! Happy Feet. It seemed like it was made to prove that it is possible to make a movie which promotes all the liberal agendas. It starts with stay at home fathers who take care of the babies while the mothers go to work. Differences are good but the establishment dislikes things against the status quo for no other reason than they are outside of the norm. God is a threat used to subdue the masses - fire and brimstone to keep people in line. To be a religious follower is to be a mindless religious follower. Subtle homosexuality is present - such as one male character asserting that another likes an extended hug and that it is okay to feel that way. People are raping the world of natural resource and polluting what is left behind. Positive change is accomplished by breaking free of societal convention and doing what makes you happy. It was definite overkill - just like clubbing an already dead baby seal, but for a good reason. Of course. Peace.

Clueless

As I was putting him to bed last night Scott asked me why we have to live on Earth. Why couldn't we just be with God in Heaven? So, we spent the whole night discussing original sin, death, loving/desiring God and the purification of Purgatory.
Well, actually, I balled them all together in a five minute answer, kissed him goodnight and have since wondered at the grace God gives parents to answer questions that in the first second or two after the question is asked our minds seem to slosh around in our heads as we can't imagine being able to answer the question. I'm clueless as to how God does it - thankful, but clueless. Peace. ~~~mary

Weak Entry

I am too tired to post, yet I am counting this as posting - you know that represents faithfulness to the task. Weak. Yeah, weak, weak way to do the minimum. Peace,

My Kingdom for a Horse

I'm very much saddened by the fact that I can't rely upon my husband. I've gotten used to being disappointed in our home life, but because of my disabilities I haven't had many problems about doing things outside of the house. I generally don't go outside of the house. The rare times that I have, I've always made sure to work things so there are no problems for my husband. I guess that also assured that I wouldn't have problems.
Today, I want to go to a one woman show about St. Catherine of Sienna. We only have one car the somewhat works, so my husband must be home for me to use it. In the last two days he has made 4 seperate statements about doing things that would make it so he would not be home in time for me to go to the show. This is a man who likes nothing better than getting off work to come home to spend every evening in front of the television. He doesn't go anywhere. He doesn't do anything, yet in the last two days he has come up with 4 different things he was going to do after work today.
It isn't like I am trying to get him to go to see this show. I just want the car. I just want him to do as he does every day. Actually, right now, I just want to cry. Peace.

The Cathedral

I stopped in at St. Pat's today. The renovations really highlight our Lord. Ugh. That sounds stupid. I know that sounds stupid, but that is what it does. And that is probably why photographs of the renovation have been none too thrilling. I mean... how many photographs show how something gives glory to God? How does a photograph show emphasis? The art work is still the same artwork (for the most part) - but it bolder, brighter, more there. I've looked at this church bit by bit before, but so much more of it stood out today. Before, individual elements faded together into a nice church. Now, they come together to bear witness our Lord and His Church.
And for those interested in the salvation of their soul -
Yeah, like I can hear someone saying, "Interested in the salvation of my soul? Ho, ho - not me." Okay, maybe a mentally ill devil worshiper, but you know what I mean.
Anyway, there is a plenary indulgence associated with a pilgrimage to Saint Patrick's Cathedral, located at 212 State St. (this portion of State Street is immediately in front of the Pennsylvania State Capital) in Harrisburg, during its centennial year celebration. So give yourself a treat - and sometime off from purgatory - by visiting between March 17, 2007 and March 17, 2008. Just be sure to fulfill the usual conditions required to receive an indulgence. Peace.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

I've been sitting here for more than an hour trying to allow a subject to come to mind. Instead of that happening, I keep falling asleep. Not too productive.
So, let me say two things:
- Happy Feast of St. Joseph!
- Peace.

Name Calling

Know what I thought of early this morning when yesterday's blog came to mind? Since I lack the humility of St. Therese and she is called "The Little Flower" maybe I'm "The Big Weed." Peace.

Saturday before Easter

I wonder if I can ever be truly humble. I mean really humble - walk on me, I don't notice sort of humble. Splash water on me while you are washing the floor and I'll eventually ask you if you realize that you are doing that. Continue to splash me, and I'll either have a laughing fit at the absurdity of it all or I'll ask you to stop splashing. Even if it were no big deal to me, if you were consistantly rude, I would probably end up saying something about it to you so that it might lessen the odds of you being likewise rude to others. Who am I to think I should do that?
The reason I am wondering about the humility thing is because I just found out that my husband's niece has decided that she is going to move from her apartment to her house the day before Easter and it bothers me. I can't imagine deciding that everyone who has said they will help must do so on a holiday weekend, let alone a religious holiday weekend. There is no way that I would think to do that. Settlement on the house is the 19th of March. Her lease on the apartment doesn't expire until the end of April. So, why would she pick a religious holiday weekend?
I do need to acknowledge and respect a very important date on the calendar between March 19th and April 30th - the first day of Trout season. No one, most of all her husband, can be expected to miss the first day of trout! Aaaarghhhhh!!!!!
See what I mean? Why should this frustrate me? Really?
Yet, it does. I have way too much of a problem with people being inconsiderate. How can I ever be as I should be if I think I have a right to judge situations? Just because I view that Saturday as the day the Lord is in His tomb, why should I think others should respect that day? After all, He isn't really in the tomb. He has risen. I know that is the reality and I know that is how others see the situation, yet it is a mournful time for me. Perhaps that is loopy, but that is how I feel.
Anyway - and this is the kicker - I can't do any of the moving, no matter what day they choose to move. So, why, oh why, should I be bothered by this? My part in it all is just finding a day between now and the move to make sloppy joes for the people moving them to eat. Someday that I am feeling better than usual, I'm going to throw some Manwich on browned hamburger and then freeze it for whichever date. Why do I care if she is being inconsiderate? Why do I think I can determine inconsideration on the part of anyone? Who am I to think I ought have opinions? Shouldn't we strive for true self-abnegation? Trust that God has a hand in everything? I just wish I could put myself aside. Blah. Peace.

Fluffy White for Fluffy Brown Bunny

Remember those days of beautiful weather that I mentioned earlier this week? So mild, so lovely. Well, they are gone. Bye, bye. Sayonara. Adios. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. До свидания, even. We have snow, white fluffy snow. Personally, I feel that, if you are going to have snow, white fluffy is the best - yet, since I let spring fever envelop me, I really would have preferred not to see anymore snow again until mid-November.
This afternoon Scott and I took his bunny Chester outside to experience snow. In bunny years, Chester is as old as Moses, yet he hadn't experienced much beyond his cage until we "rescued" him last year. Having been an indoor pet all his life, the out of doors seems to be quite thrilling for him - of course, that is most likely a matter of personification, but it is our perception and we are sticking to it. Anyway, since this is our first snowfall since Chester joined us that I could feel fairly safe about letting him free to wander in an area of the yard, he seemed to enthusiastically embrace the white stuff. He scurried here and there, then turned around and did it again. Chester scampered and scurried, scurried and scampered. Usually, when Chester is involved in a mission he surveys the area, then pauses to wash his paws so as to ruminate upon the information obtained, then, after considering the pertinent facts, he delves further into the areas that need greater illumination. That wasn't the case today. It was all so new that he didn't have time to waste thinking, or grooming. It was a very good day for the bunny. Peace.

Evaluation

Mid-Lent Check-up:
Praying - yep, do it. Not often do I do it well. I don't know that it has increased since Lent. I have the luxury of being able to stop what I'm doing to pray most days, most of the time and I have a habit of praying while doing things; therefore, I can say that there is much time that is completely free of prayer. Maybe I should schedule prayer time as a way to increase prayer. I'll have to pray about that.
Spiritual reading - yep, do that. Not as much as praying. The amount of time for this has increased, but, I have to admit, it is less than it has been at other times. Specifically, I really need to read scripture more.
**Hey, hey. Do not insert the stereotype that says that Catholics don't read the Bible.**
I should do it more - meaning that I do read the Bible, but should do it more often/longer. One day I will own four Bibles so that physical limitations will not lead me to being apathetic about picking up a Bible - computer Bible, living room Bible, bedroom Bible and car Bible. Oy, I am so materialistic - who real needs four Bibles? Yet, in my mind, four seems to be a good number of personal Bibles. So silly.
Almsgiving - yep, do that. Need to really evaluate what has been done and what more needs done. My husband doesn't know how much I donate - it is better that way. He feels that money that is tithed could be better spent enlivening our economy and filling our bellies. Yet, when I think of $10 being spent at McDonald's, I think of Food for the Poor using the same amount to feed a family for a month. We kill ourselves with junk food while others are dying of starvation. That doesn't mean that I think all disposable income should go to a charity, it is just that I weigh the value of extravagances and may have a different idea of what I consider an extravagance compared to other Americans. I approach them differently too - skiing is expensive, yet once or twice a year my son goes skiing on discount days so that he gets to enjoy the fortunate lifestyle of an American without squandering money. This Lent is a little different in the area of donations to charity because we very soon need to buy new cars - new used, mind you. The station wagon and van are not inspection worthy and the repairs would far exceed their value - plus, one needs has a blown head or head gasket and the other's transmission seems ready to seize. Therefore, it would be nice to have a couple hundred dollars to help w/the car buying process.
Fasting - nope, not doing. I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. Because of the diabetes, I have to eat. If I didn't have to eat, I could fast. I've searched online to try to find out how diabetics fast and haven't really found anything useful. So, I've only fasted one day. Not so great - eh? I'd love to know which is worse for me - one day of truly fasting or eating the two rows of marshmallow peeps that I had in less than an hour. Granted, the peeps were an anomaly, but I'm thinking that they might be worse than fasting. If that is the case, it is hypocritical of me not to fast.
Blogging - yep, do it. Missed an entry once. Made two entries in one day to make up for it, but I'm not so sure that it is possible to make up for faithfulness. In fact, I doubt that it is possible. Just the same the biggest element of this blogging thing is that I am doing it to force myself to do something which I had no interest in so doing - have it be a humbling sort of thing. Not too sure that any humility has come from this task.
eBay - nope, don't do it. That is a good thing in this instance - this is my self denial thing. Hey, it is an economic fast! Wahoo, I'm fasting! Maybe that is how I should answer the eBay merchant who e-mailed to inform me that he had listed a Fr. Damian medal.
Dear Sebastien -
Thanks for letting me know about your Fr. Damian medal listing. Unfortunately, I'm involved in an economic fast that precludes my entering the eBay web site. Hoping you are having a blessed Lenten season. Peace.
Nah, I'll just leave his e-mail unanswered.
My evaluation of this Lenten check-up? Not so sure that what I'm doing can possibly bear fruit this Lent. Just the same, I believe that in God's time all will be as it should. Peace.

Biting dullness?

A mention to a trip to Las Vegas was made in an e-mail today. I don't know for sure, but it seems like there may be a trip in the makings for all the female in my husband's family. I know that they are including me out of kindness, but I can't picture myself in that town. Nothing about it is appealing to me, and the nature of the town repulses me.
I started writing on this subject because I was going to tell of imagined humorous scenes of me in different distinctly Vegas situations. Prostitutes, casual nudity, free booze, gambling, and low budget buffets - satirical comic fodder. It just isn't coming to me though. So much that could have been turned into snide comments is just too dark or sad to jest about.
I'm saying that in the broad sense. I used to enjoy having fun at the expense of others as long as it didn't cost them. I used to think that as long as someone didn't know that they were the butt of a joke that it was okay to use them in such a manner. What did it matter if I wasn't hurting them? No harm, no foul.
Has life squeezed the humor out of me or have I developed a greater awareness of the dignity that ought to be afforded man? Hmmm...
Maybe its just menopause. Peace.

Beautiful. Oh, So Very Beautiful.

We were blessed with another beautiful day! Wahoo!!! I was able to do a few little preparatory things for the garden. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to throw some pulverized egg shells on a few of the beds. I really wish I could get a hold of a week worth of a restaurant's coffee grounds to toss where I plan to have tomato plants this year. One day I'll find a restaurant that will do that... one day. They say that ya gotta have dreams or all you have are nightmares. So, that is my dream - used coffee grounds. It was never said that ya gotta have big dreams. Although, in truth, I do want a lot of coffee grounds. ;o)

Today's First Reading is Daniel 3:25, 34-43

In the fire Azariah stood up and prayed aloud:
For your name's sake, do not deliver us up forever, or make void your covenant.
Do not take away your mercy from us, for the sake of Abraham, your beloved, Isaac your servant, and Israel your holy one,
To whom you promised to multiply their offspring like the stars of heaven, or the sand on the shore of the sea.
For we are reduced, O Lord, beyond any other nation, brought low everywhere in the world this day because of our sins.
We have in our day no prince, prophet, or leader, no holocaust, sacrifice, oblation, or incense, no place to offer first fruits, to find favor with you.
But with contrite heart and humble spirit let us be received;
As though it were holocausts of rams and bullocks, or thousands of fat lambs, So let our sacrifice be in your presence today as we follow you unreservedly; for those who trust in you cannot be put to shame.
And now we follow you with our whole heart, we fear you and we pray to you.
Do not let us be put to shame, but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy.
Deliver us by your wonders, and bring glory to your name, O Lord

Isn't that beautiful? So much bigger than any dream. Peace.

Christmas Springs to Mind

Today I am going to use this color to celebrate the beautiful spring like day we enjoyed in our area. For about two hours this afternoon, the outdoor temperature was absolutely glorious. During that time, on and off, I sat outside painting.
Before you begin imagining a more idyllic scene than it was, I should make it clear that I wasn't sitting before an easel as I composed yet another masterpiece. Instead, I was covering plywood with white paint. No artistic endeavor. Simply rudimentary slopping of wood with paint. Just the same, I had a good time.
That "slopping" resulted in my outdoor creche scene finally being protected from the elements! It had one less than adequate application of paint that got it through Christmastime, but wasn't going to carry it beyond that. But today, as I was wrapped in the warmth of the sun, Jesus, Mary and Joseph's silhouette received a few coated of love that will allow for that scene to grace our lawn for many a Christmas.
Okay, okay - it sounds mighty silly to speak of the Holy Family being coated with love... blah, blah, blah. But I am thrilled that I was able to do that today. For years I have wanted a tasteful outdoor creche scene to celebrate Christ's birth, but, amid all the crass commercialism of the season, it was a nearly impossible dream. So in December, I drew the silhouette on a piece of plywood, my husband it cut out with a jigsaw and then lightly coated it with spray paint. Voila! One Holy Family amid the neighborhood's blizzard of snowmen, sleighfuls of santas, and plethora, yes, plethora of penguins - please don't make me describe the amount reindeer. I love that we may now adorn our lawn with this most precious scene - I love it. In fact, I have actually considered keeping it out year round in the back of our property, as a reminder. I didn't consider it very long, but I did give the thought its very own moment. Peace.

Call me Mary

Call me Mary - go ahead. No, seriously. Call me, "Mary."
Mary or Martha. Who am I?
Today I was Mary. I mean... I was Mary!
I can't think of a time before this that I wasn't Martha, but today I was Mary. That doesn't mean that taking up the standard role of Martha didn't come to mind, but it was only for less than a moment. Clearly I couldn't be Martha - after all, I had signed up to be Mary.
Okay, "What is she talking about?," you might ask. I would probably wonder about you if you didn't ask that question, yet continued to read. I mean, really - where do I come off blathering on with nonsensical talk about being Mary, not Martha. Is this an entry about a psychotic split or what? How could I expect you to read on? Oh, yeah... I guess I should clarify.
The answer is simple.
I sat with Jesus while someone else flitted about noisily preparing things. I didn't even offer to help. I gazed at Him thinking of His wondrous ways. The person making the noise may or may not have wanted me to volunteer to help - I am pretty certain she did - but with no one else in the church to focus upon our Lord, I wasn't about to walk around lifting kneelers so that maybe, just maybe, someone would notice that the kneelers were uniformly in the up position before people arrived for the evening devotion and homily. It just wasn't going to happen. Nope. And you know what? It felt right.
In fact, it was right. Peace.

Forty Hours

Our parish's Forty Hours Eucharistic Devotion began at the end of today's 11:15 Mass. It's beginning was very unsettling for me. The whole congregation, obviously, knew that Christ was in full view on the altar, yet within about 30 seconds of the priest leaving the altar, the church was filled with the clatter of idle chatter. I'm not sure that I should have done this, but, when I felt my son move to look about himself as I was praying, I whispered to him that he needed to pray that the people gain a better understanding of what they were doing as I prayed in apology asked for forgiveness. Was that too much to have a kid do? I hope it falls into the category of teaching a child to use a situation as a stimulus for prayer, if there is such a category.
Anyway, the other part of the initial moment of the devotion that was unpleasant was the fact that no one had signed up to visit with our Lord for the first 3 hours of exposition. I was stunned - so stunned that I just stood looking at the board in disbelief for about 15 seconds. This was 10 minutes after the last Sunday Mass - 1/2 an hour before the start of the first empty time slot. Only a few stragglers were left. It was so very bizarre. This was at the main entrance. Oodles of people had to have seen that no one was scheduled, yet no one slotted him or herself in. An extraordinary Eucharistic minister who loves to serve on the altar came out as I was staring at the sign-up sheet and said she was amazed that the spaces were empty, yet she didn't do anything to correct the situation.
During my 15 seconds of staring I started to kind of judgmentally think to myself that I was sure that everyone probably had excuses that they thought were pretty good as to why they hadn't signed up. Before that went very far, I thought about the fact that I felt my reason was pretty good for why my name wasn't in one of those time slots. I had just spent an hour in Mass - why couldn't I spend at least a 1/2 hour with Jesus to thank Him for enabling me to successfully ignore pain well enough so that I was able to have shared in that celebration?! So, I signed the sheet, quickly ran for the groceries we needed during the in between time, placed the cold items in the church's refrigerator and then spent almost an hour singing, praying and giving thanks - you know, adoring our Eucharistic Lord.
Scott ended up staying in the church social hall reading because, when he came upstairs to pray, I immediately sent him back downstairs - he had a mean case of the hiccups because, in his hurry to join me, he had eaten the sub I had gotten him for lunch at the store way too fast. Granted there was nobody else upstairs praying, but I didn't want him to disturb or scare off anyone who might stop in to pray. Who knows - it just might have been fear of hiccuping children that had made everyone skip signing up for those initial time slots. Peace.

Full of Emptiness

I spoke with a father today. Though blank faced, pain filled his voice as he didn't tell of his lost son. He spoke of caring for the ones who remain. As he spoke of the present, he mourned the past. The pain could almost be touched, but he didn't want it touched. The pain had become part of a cloth. A cloth shroud twisting and turning about him and his family. It threatens to choke the life of them all, yet it is so real in it's falseness that they cling to it as if it is life itself.
Ironically, part of today's Gospel reading is the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). I hope that the lost son of the man with whom I spoke might one day find his way back to his family. I pray that they might be able to come together rejoicing in a love to be found. Peace.

Nancy Pelosi

One of my son's teachers lost it yesterday. Evidently, as part of a current event student reader, there was a question asked about the first woman Speaker of the United States House of Representatives that the majority of the fifth grade class could not answer because they had not a clue as to the woman referenced. The teacher was astounded that the kids don't watch the news and loudly suggested they begin doing so that very evening.
Well, I told Scott about Nancy Pelosi, but I don't think the impression I gave him was what the teacher would have expected. I wasn't warm fuzzy about the fact that this congress' composition might signal an advancement in civil rights in that for the first time we have a woman second in line to the presidency. Not did I proudly note that a Catholic grandmother has risen to this height of authority in our government. I flatly told him those things. I also let him know that she isn't Pro-Life. We discussed the implications of a private individual ignorantly being pro-choice as opposed to a person in power ignorantly fostering pro-choice legislation. Her being Catholic and pro-choice didn't make sense to him.
After we spoke, I thought about the fact that most of the kids in his class don't watch the news. My first thought was that they were mindlessly watching some Nickelodeon show at the time, but then I began thinking about Scott's lack of awareness. When he was born I would have probably pegged fourth grade as the year I would have wanted to begin heightening his exposure to televised world news events, yet I haven't even begun to do so in fifth grade. The greatest reason for that has to be the 9/11 attacks. He was in kindergarten when they occurred.
I used to be a news junkie. I watched the news whenever I could and I'd jump back and forth between the news magazine shows regularly every evening - Dan Rathers often danced between the other networks' couples (Jane Pauley and Stone Phillips/Barbara Walters and Hugh Downs). I couldn't get enough. Within a day of 9/11, I got my fill. It was too raw; too real. It all became too much.
The impact, for me, was that news no longer just reported information; it transmitted pain. Even during the crisis of Katrina, I didn't watch. I'd listen to and read reports, but not watch the nightly or magazine news programs. It isn't that I can't - that it is too much of an emotional burden - I've just had enough. So, with that perspective in mind, doesn't it seem that a person of that mindset would not be overly eager to sit her child down to watch the news? And, continuing down that path, might not other parents, consciously or unconsciously, be doing the same? I remember Scott's kindergarten teacher remarking that not one child in his class had brought the events of 9/11 up in class, not one. That is noteworthy in that Scott's class members were extremely gregarious - it seemed like the kids in Scott's class discussed amongst each other everything that was discussed or done outside of class. His teacher was prepared for damage control, yet never had to handle anything related to 9/11. That being the case, it makes sense that parents who sheltered their young and extremely impressionable children from the news/pain of those days might not be eager to now sully those same kids. Makes sense to me. Peace.

Ms. Molly

Moll-Moll is hurting. Hurting very badly. She doesn't want to move. She must be coaxed to eat her favorite foods and doesn't have any interest in water. I pray that this will remedy itself quickly.
Want to hear something odd? Well, even if you don't, you will if you keep reading. I'm grateful for my pain. It may mean that it is difficult to lift my 11 pound little lamb and to be down on the floor when she needs me, but it has, much more importantly, made it so that I can read what is going on with her right now. I understand that she isn't shivering because she is cold; she is quaking in pain. When her neck is stretched out and her eyes are darting back and forth, she is coping with a muscle spasm and seems to appreciate quiet attention in the form of loving words. If she is made to go outside she tries to hide under the camper or deck to be alone, she doesn't want to deal with anything and is somewhat protected in those spots. The position she is most comfortable in is lying down, and then only after spasms caused by her getting in the position have subsided. Moll-Moll is hurting.
Thanks God for children's Motrin -
it pushes back my little girl's pain
Thank you God for peanut butter -
it can draw a dog out of a tight spot
Thanks God for the sunbeams -
they're nature's heating pad to ease strain
Thank you God for prayer -
it lets me ask you to heal my Molly.
Honor, praise and glory to you oh Lord from whom all good comes. May we always praise Your name and rest in the knowledge of Your mercy. Honor, praise and glory be Yours, now and forever. Amen.
Peace.

Pio Site

Here is a present to you: http://www.padrepiodevotions.org/
As you are able to tell by the site name, it is a St. Padre Pio web site. I love Padre Pio. He was such a down to earth man, yet a most heavenly priest. On the site's "Padre Pio's Words" page, I ran across these two quotes:

You must not be discouraged or let yourself become dejected if your actions have not succeeded as perfectly as you intended. What do you expect? We are made of clay and not every soil yields the fruits expected by the one who tills it. But let us always humble ourselves and acknowledge that we are nothing if we lack the Divine assistance.
Our Lord sends the crosses; we do not have to invent them.

I need to look to the Lord, ask to be more receptive to the graces given and focus on the tasks assigned rather than myopically honing in on the nonsense of self. In no way is it humble to put aside yourself in order to say, "Oh, look at my humility." I'm not saying that I do that, but to a lesser degree, I wonder, do we do it, even just a little bit, when we consciously take on a task for spiritual development that didn't come seamlessly? If not given by God, don't we tend to evaluate how we are doing at the task? However, when we just take things as they come - not see a need and fill it, but feel a need and allow it to be filled - later on, maybe four things down the road, in a passing glance, we are blessed by a vision of God's hands in our lives. One of those moments has to easily be worth, at least, 20 of the managed tasks.
I'm not sure that I'm being clear. I'm not saying we shouldn't consciously do for others; rather, I'm saying that it shouldn't be a "task" to do for others with some artificial goal. If it is a task, then we are more likely to see our individual hand in the situation which might not only obscure our view of God's hand in the situation, but also cause us to lose true humility that might otherwise be available. Okay, I think that I've said quite enough without saying anything. Enjoy the Padre Pio site! Peace.

Early End to the Day

Yesterday ended much earlier than I could have imagined. I laid down to read shortly after my son came home from school. Before I did so, I asked him to let me sleep if I fell asleep. Well, I did fall asleep and didn't get up again for 9 1/2 hours. And that was just for a quick potty trip - right back to bed afterward. I guess it was a good thing that Sunday night I had let Bill and Scott know that we were having leftover vegetable soup for dinner last night.
I might have wondered if, at some level, I had wanted to sleep like that - I don't normally talk about a meal three meals before its time, but I did on Sunday and I don't pray a particular prayer until sometime near midnight, but I did in the afternoon - except I would think I would have made my blog entry for the day before laying down if I had an idea I wouldn't be getting up in the same day. Sooooo... I didn't blog yesterday. No great loss for humanity, but it means that I blew the Lenten task by so doing. I'm not going to focus on that though. Instead, I'm just going to see it as behind me and know that I will continue to try to do a daily entry (plus, at some point, I'll do an extra entry to right it numerically).
"He who brings thanksgiving as his sacrifice honors me; to him who orders his way aright I will show the salvation of God!" (Psalms 50:23), is part of today's scripture readings and that makes me mindful of the fact that I need to bring thanksgiving to God. God knows everything about us and our lives - good, bad and neutral. Although I'm sure that God is gratified when we realize that we need to take a better path in life, it must be even better for Him to hear thanks for what we have that allows us to move to a better life path. So, even though I didn't blog yesterday, I thank the Lord for the rest that I obviously needed and that allowed me to focus upon writing this entry. Peace.

Celebrating

Well, today marked the third birthday celebration in our family this year. For that matter, the third for the week. And it was for only one person's birth. One person, three family celebration... and two classroom "parties." That's a lot of junk food. And his birthday didn't even show up on the calendar!
That is how it is for our leap year day "baby," Scott. This is how it is for him every year that his birthday doesn't appear on the calendar. A number of people have said that it must be rough for him, only having a birthday every four years. He loves it. It would probably be tough on him if he had siblings, but since he doesn't we've always been able to make the anniversary of his birth special. Three out of every four birthdays we - mom, dad and birthday boy - do something focused upon him on both February 28th and March 1st (this year- dinner at a restaurant of his choosing one day, pizza and DVDs on the other), plus have an extended family get together on a different day. On the years that his birthday is part of the calendar, we celebrate on February 29th and take a vacation that year. That means next year, a leap year, we are going on vacation to celebrate. He'd love to go to the Holy Land, but I'm just not seeing that happen. I had always thought that the trip on his 12th birthday year would be Space Camp, but it might be Rome next year. That is much more do-able than the Holy Land financially, yet meets his desire for a grand pilgrimage. Plus we have a friend studying at the North American College, so we could visit him and, if he has time, maybe get him to show us around a bit - then the trip might avoid being thoroughly coated with the aroma of touristiness (my own word, but you get the idea).
I wonder if at twelve he'll be able to really appreciate a trip to Rome. Don't get me wrong - I know he'll be over the moon appreciative if we go to Rome. I'm just wondering if there might be a depth to such a trip that he might miss and never capture during a subsequent trip (if there might be one) because it wasn't grasped the first time. Yet, I really hesitate to squash healthy interest/enthusiasm related to God and, by extension/inclusion, the Church. There is all of this year and a large portion of 2008 to figure out our plans. Who knows what will be going on next year?! Peace. ~~~mary

Joy filled Moments of Thanks

I was feeling horribly today - beyond miserable. A morning migraine refused to recede and was immune to all medication, blood sugar was way off, muscles non compliant, and the chronic pain refused to be ignored. On top of it all, I was keenly aware of how far I fall short of being the ideal wife. Ha! Almost an oxymoron - or something - ideal wife, when used in reference to me. By the time we left for Confession and Mass I was in a very negative mindset.
It seemed that every time I spoke to God I was apologizing for some facet of my being. All during Mass I never lost sight of my unworthiness. There was an underlying sense of gratefulness, but it was almost obscured by the unworthiness.
Having received Communion, I bowed my head and began to tell God how sorry I was for how lacking I was. As I was winding up to expand upon the subject, I became awash with a sense of joy. Pure blissful white light joy. How loving is our Lord. How absolutely, incredibly, fabulous is our Lord and God. The rest of my Communion prayer was one of thanks - joy filled thanks. Peace.

Race and Abortion

Racism and eugenics fuel Planned Parenthood

Washington DC, Mar 1, 2007 / 05:21 pm (CNA).- Racism surrounding the abortion rate must be recognized and stopped, said Day Gardner, president of National Black Pro-Life Union. “The eugenic policies of the founder of Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger, appear to be alive and well and still directed at black women,” she charged in a press release.
Gardner was responding to a Feb. 26 press release on Reproductive Rights and African-American Women issued the previous day by abortion advocate Ipas. In addition to discussing the history between blacks and abortion, Ipas listed reasons for black American women to take part in the abortion movement. It claimed the high rate of abortions among black women was reason enough to warrant their greater involvement and support.
According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, the research arm of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, more than 90 percent of all abortion providers are located in metropolitan areas. Planned Parenthood, America’s leading abortion promoter and provider, identifies its core clients as young women, low-income women, and women of color.
According to Gardner: “The abortion industry purposefully targets the African American community. The question is why? The abortion industry places abortion clinics in our minority and poor neighborhoods to “coax us” into thinking abortion is the best answer — the only answer to an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy — and we ask why?
“Black women don’t have to kill our children to have productive, successful lives. Instead of embracing the ‘right to kill’ our children in the name of reproductive choice, we should be working to ensure that each and every African American child is given every opportunity—to experience life—to prove herself/himself—to become part of our rich cultural heritage—to change the world—and maybe also to save it.”
Since 1973, more than 44 million unborn children have been legally killed in this country; of these, almost 15 million of them were black. Abortion is the number one killer of African Americans — killing more black people than all other deaths combined, Gardner states.
African-American women make up only 13 percent of the United States population of women who are of child-bearing age, yet 37 percent of all abortions are performed on black women. The abortion rate among black women is more than three times higher than that of white women. “It is not whether black women have access to reproductive ‘choices’,” said Gardner. “But rather: Why they are fooled into thinking that they have to make a choice to destroy their child at all. Why have so many black women bought into the lie that their children, born in inner cities, are less deserving of life?"

I promise you that I have not placed the above article in this blog to take up space, making me look more productive; instead, it is here because the information contained in it isn't heard. It isn't heard because Planned Parenthood has done a fine job over the years drawing in compassionate people with rhetoric that masks the truth. Who can criticize a group's campaign to make every child wanted? Of course, every child should be wanted and cared for as a fulfilled desire; however, slaughtering roughly 1,500,000 children yearly is a perverse way in which to achieve that goal.
To assert that a woman's poverty is a valid reason for a child to be torn from her mother's womb is a way to say that poor people are not worthy of life. The argument that giving a pregnant woman the choice to slaughter her baby will somehow improve her life is absurd - if she was poor when she walked in an abortion mill, she will be poor as she leaves. She will have gained nothing, but lost much - beginning with the fee for the abortion and ending with the incalculable value of the life lost in the heart wrenching death of the flesh of her flesh. Soul scarred and mind battered, she will return to a life that cannot be left behind.
I come to this subject having been a "liberal" for quite a time. It had seemed to be a no-brainer that everyone has a right to every option in every situation. I mean, who was I to force my opinion onto anyone else? I thought that such a stance was a way to lovingly empower others. That type of thinking is a matter of living life at surface level.
To truly love someone is to dive into the act of living. It is loving to tell a person that they can't always do what seems right in a moment. It is loving to help someone to see beyond herself. It is loving to let a frightened girl know that she, and the life within her are of great value. It is loving to educate women so that they may experience the joy of life rather than avoid that reality out of ignorance and fear. It is loving to support pregnancy centers, along with other community initiatives.
It is a crying shame that "liberating" a woman from her pregnancy is often the result of societally imposed self-loathing that an abortion will only acerbate.
I'm not sure that I've communicated what I wanted to say. Hopefully the article will speak to you. Killing an innocent being should never be an option. To prey upon people by telling them that you only wish to help them is beyond disturbing - to do so to individual groups because they don't fit your perception of what is "good" is despicable and beyond all reasoning. To profit from it is unconscionable. Peace.

Lent

A time of passion forestalled; a time to make pure.
We know what is coming; we've been here before.
Tears long since dried will course again.
Our Lord and Master pays the price, though free from sin.


Peace.